Every marriage depends on communication to thrive and survive.
However, we must also agree that communication, when not in tune with marital ethics, can mar a marriage.
As a married woman, it is essential that you know the things you can say to your husband and the ones that are completely unacceptable so that you do not destroy your marriage by your words.
In this article, we’ll explore 15 things a married woman should avoid saying to her husband to foster understanding, respect, and a stronger connection within their relationship.
12 Things a Married Woman Should Avoid Saying to Her Husband for a Happier Relationship
1. “You never…” or “You always…”
It is true that there are certain things your husband never does, no matter the number of times he has been told or encouraged to do so.
On the flip side, there are some characteristics and behaviors he has maintained, not minding how much he has been dissuaded to.
But these things – the ones he never does and the ones he always does – he doesn’t need you to point them out to him.
Using these absolutes can make your husband raise his defenses, even when it is not your intention to attack.
Rather than use these absolutes in your conversations with him, stick to using suggestive words like “I think” and “it appears to me.”
2. “I told you so”
You know those situations where you have given your husband a piece of advice that he is unwilling to take, and you are sitting cross-legged, waiting for your “I told you so” moment?
Your husband detests it.
Men do not like it when people point out their failures in an as-a-matter-of-fact manner, and worse, even when it comes from their wives.
If his decision to do it his own way does not go as planned and he is lenient enough to share it with you, it is basically because he needs emotional support, validation, and maybe advice.
The last thing he wants you to do at that time is highlight the fact that you won.
3. “You’re just like your father/mother”
This comment may not be altogether unacceptable, depending on the situation and manner it is used.
But most times, men do not like to be compared with their parents.
It gives them the idea that you see him as a boy who has not really broken free from his parents’ nest.
But your husband is a man of his own, so when you are complimenting him, avoid comparisons as much as possible.
4. “It’s fine” when it’s not
Your unwillingness to express your feelings to your husband when asked may piss him off.
He may feel like you do not trust him to be able to manage the situation, and that is why you have refused to tell him.
Displaying distrust of your husband’s ability to take responsibility is demeaning and may be considered an insult.
If something is bothering you, express your feelings openly, even without being asked.
Saying “it’s fine” when it’s not will only multiply and pile up the unresolved issues.
5. “You’re overreacting”
Of course, there are situations where your husband actually overreacts, but it may just be his way of expressing his emotions at that time.
When you tell him he is overreacting, he feels like you are invalidating his feelings or belittling his emotions.
Telling him he is overreacting may lead to further arguments and can make him feel disrespected.
This may ultimately lead to his withdrawing and locking away his emotions from you.
Instead, try to understand his feelings and help him find a better way of expressing himself.
Acknowledge that it’s difficult for him to express himself or manage his emotions in certain situations, then offer your help to support him through the situation.
This will make him feel more comfortable and help to reduce the tension between you both.
6. “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
This is a completely unnecessary thing to say to your husband, though.
If you really wanted a husband like the one you are referring to, why did you not marry them instead?
Comparing your husband to others can push him to unnecessary competition and make him feel inadequate.
Instead, focus on what makes your husband unique and be grateful for his amazing qualities.
Appreciate him for the way he is, and make sure to express that love to him every day.
Reassure him that you are happy with who he is as a person, and avoid criticism.
Embrace your husband’s unique qualities and focus on his strengths; he is yours, and that is who he is.
7. “I don’t need you”
You are in your marriage in the first place because you and your husband both need each other.
So, when you tell your husband that you do not need him, it feels like you have forgotten why you’re in the marriage.
This statement can make him feel like you are only staying in the marriage out of obligation or because you don’t have any other options.
By saying this, it can lead to further tension between you both and erode your relationship.
Instead, try emphasizing how much you appreciate him and what he means to you.
This will let your husband know that he is needed and appreciated.
Even when you do not need his help with a particular thing, you should be careful how you say it to prevent him from feeling undervalued and unappreciated.
8. “You should know what I want”
It is true that after a while, spouses become accustomed to each other’s needs.
But if your husband seems confused at some point about what you need, rather than accuse him for not being attuned to your needs, clearly tell him what you want.
For one reason or the other, he may be going through some things at the time.
Explaining what you need will create a bridge of understanding between you both and connect your hearts in that moment.
It may also help him remember in the future when he is unable to understand your needs without having to be told.
This way, you can avoid any feelings of frustration or resentment from both sides and nurture an environment for open communication instead.
You have to be sensitive enough not to worsen the situation by your choice of words.
9. “This is a man’s job”
The same way you will feel if your husband assigned gender roles to you is the same way he feels when you expect him to do something because “it is a man’s job.”
In marriage, spouses are usually encouraged to assist each other as much as possible, but no partner is allowed to feel entitled to the other.
Show him kindness and consideration by asking for help rather than making demands.
This way, you can both reach a mutual understanding and avoid any resentment that may arise from the situation.
If you need something done for you, kindly make a request rather than do the gender stereotype blackmail.
10. “I wish I married someone else”
No matter what your husband does to you, never say this to him.
The conflict may be resolved, but your husband won’t forget your expression of regret in your most vulnerable state.
Being married to someone means you make a commitment to them.
When you say these words, it minimizes what the two of you have struggled and worked on together.
It is only natural to be frustrated with your partner, but finding constructive ways to express those frustrations will help resolve any tension between the two of you.
It is better to walk away for a while if you can no longer bear the heat than to say something that can never be unsaid.
11. “You’re just like my ex”
It is completely inappropriate to compare your husband with your ex, even if they were an angel.
Bringing up past relationships can create unnecessary tension in your marriage and raise questions in your husband’s mind.
Past experiences should remain in the past and not be brought up in current conversations.
Especially when it comes to your marriage, any references to an ex can make your husband feel insecure and lose trust in you.
Remember that a successful marriage takes work, understanding, and communication between two people.
Comparing someone with an ex will do nothing but cause more distance between you and your spouse.
It is better to bear the heat of the moment than to say something that could damage your relationship in the long run.
Focus on building a strong connection with your husband and create an open environment for honest conversations, free from unnecessary comparisons.
This will ensure a healthier future for both of you.
12. “I don’t want to talk about it”
Challenges in marriage must always be laid out bare and tackled in unity to keep the marriage healthy.
Telling your husband that you do not want to talk about something he wants to iron out may reflect distrust and an unwillingness to work toward the success of your marriage.
Taking the time to listen and work through your issues will help you build a stronger bond and trust between each other.
Be willing to discuss any personal differences or topics that may cause tension in your relationship.
It is always better to find solutions together than it is to run away from problems.
Instead of completely shutting him out, choose a comfortable time when you can freely talk with your husband.
Conclusion:
The words we choose to speak can significantly impact our marital relationships.
And that is why we are to think thoroughly before saying anything; because things said cannot be unsaid.
It is necessary that you avoid these hurtful phrases as a married woman in order to keep the love and emotional bond in your marriage strong.
It will also help to strengthen the trust and understanding between you and your husband.